Sarah Close

Well… I wrote this song in January last year and i can remember it so clearly. The memory is so vivid for me which is why this song is my favourite and most special for me. 

I wrote it the day of my Grandma’s funeral after we had returned home. She had been suffering from Alzheimers for many many years and i composed the song in more or less 15 minutes. I really love the imagery in the song because it’s quite complex, I like it when the listener has to work hard to figure it out, as it means they interpret it in their own way.

“The walls are thick with dust

Memories on each coat of paint

With new, we forget the old”

In this verse, it was that, i think that walls kinda see everything, more so than anything ever will, they see you at your lowest, they essentially know everything about you! and each coat of paint on a wall holds different memories and can be signified with different periods of a persons life. I think i’m making it more complex than it is but it makes perfect sense in my head. Also that, when you move house and redecorate you are essentially ‘destroying’ the memories of the people who lived their previously. Like the walls in my kitchen have seen me grow up from infant to a 16 year old, they hear me sing, on the phone, everything. They ‘see’ things that no one else ever will. 

The song is titled due to something my dad said whilst speaking at the funeral. He said ‘I’m sorry, i thought i’d be able to do this’ and that one line just stuck in my head the whole time. The song is really emotional for me and symbolises my Grandma’s demise, i don’t remember her before Alzheimers took over, which kills me; i can’t even remember the last conversation i ever had with her, i was too young too understand anything that was going on. She was a real special lady, so kind.

 I think the rest is easy enough to work out, or is down to your own perspective. 

Full Lyrics:

The walls are thick with dust

Memories on each coat of paint

With new, we forget the old

Brick by brick we’ve been building up

The olds got to go so new can come in

But what if we know, they had so much more to give

The waves come crashing down over me

I would give everything just to have, one last conversation with you

I thought I’d be able to do this

But you’ll rest in my head with the memories back from when I was young

I thought I be able to do this

But it goes to show you can’t always be that strong

Trapped in a head of mysteries

You’d lost the voice to even speak

And we saw you fight for your life

Somehow we all gotta go and I’ll be thinking god why me,

I just hope, you will all remember me

The waves come crashing down over me

I would give everything just to have

One last conversation with you

I thought I’d be able to do this

But you’ll rest in my head with the memories back from when I was young

I thought I’d be able to do this

But it goes to show you can’t always be that strong

Words do not even express how much I regret, not spending enough time with you

Just another spectator, to someone who was so great. You burnt down in flames

I thought I’d be able to do this

But sometimes the unbreakable fall apart too

I thought I’d be able to do this

But you’ll rest in my head with the memories back from when I was young

I thought I’d be able to do this

But it goes to show you can’t always be that strong

I thought I’d be able to do this = I hope people remember me

I thought I’d be able to do this= god give me an easy way out please

I thought I’d be able to do this=I saw my daddy cry that day

I thought I’d be able to do this=youll never see me grow up